by Beth Hammarlund
All right, Olympics sports reporters. I have simply heard enough about Ryan Lochte and men’s swimming in general. Let’s move on to the real stars of the swimming pool. I speak, of course, of the drag queens of the water: the synchronized swimmers.
Not only are their outfits ridiculously amazing and sparkly, they are crazy talented and insanely strong. The stuff that that they do…well, I no longer feel proud of being able to do a handstand in the lake. But what I’m hear to talk about is their makeup. Their glorious waterproof Rupaul-esque makeup.
In order to be appreciated from a distance and to distract from their weird and unflattering nose pinchy things, there’s heavy focus on eyes and lips. Bright cherry lips are practically a given, but it’s the eyes that get really creative. Eyelashes are drawn on, black lines that fan out from their eyes and reach their eyebrows. A cat eye gets three different swipes of eyeliner: one on the lash line, one right above the crease, and one on the brow bone. It’s freaking crazy, ya’ll.
Above all, their makeup is insanely waterproof. And though I’m not suggesting that you put on a full face of makeup before laying around at the pool, there’s nothing wrong with having a few waterproof cosmetics in your collection. Here are a few of my favorites.
Sephora Color Lip Last: Sephora’s been selling their own brand in their stores for…..I’m not sure how long. A really long time. Yet whenever I stop by to shop or browse, I always walk right past their displays. Recently I stopped by to pick up a refill of my favorite primer of all time (Smashbox Photo Finish) and, for the first time, the display caught my attention. So many colors. So many options. So much more reasonably priced. The Color Lip Last comes in a great variety of colors (the corals are especially gorgeous) and this stuff is serious business. Not only will it last through a dip in the pool, it’s likely that at some point you’ll wake up after a night out only to discover that your pout is still perfectly lipstick’d.
Urban Decay Cannonball Ultra Waterproof Mascara: Back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, Cover Girl had this insane mascara named “Marathon Mascara.” And you could run a marathon in it. Hell, you could probably swim the English Channel in it. It wasn’t the best as far as mascaras go, but man it could take a beating. Good luck trying to get it off without great makeup remover though. It was discontinued some time ago, but fear not. Urban Decay’s Cannonball waterproof mascara is the only one that I’ve found that compares to Marathon, but Urban Decay’s version actually thickens and lengthens your lashes.
Tarte Smooth Operator Amazonian Clay Waterproof Concealer: Zits happen. It’s unfortunate, but such is life. Whether you’ve broken out or been fed on by a dozen mosquitos, this little concealer will last all day in the water or in the sun.
Make Up Forever Aqua Eyes and Make Up Forever Aqua Seal: Make Up Forever probably makes the best waterproof cosmetics, aside from the crazy stage makeup synchronized swimmers wear. Aqua Eyes eyeliner comes in an impressive range of shades and it lives up to its waterproof promise. Aqua Seal is even more amazing. Apple it over any powder cosmetic and it locks it in place. The application takes a little practice, but once you’ve got it down, you’ll be amazed at how well it works.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I simply must learn to do something more impressive than a handstand in the water. Have a great weekend, kids!